The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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