Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
