Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
