wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
