His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
