Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
