New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
