So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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