Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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