bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
