im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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