I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
