I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
