We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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