he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
