Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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