If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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