nut hugger
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
