o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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