Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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