No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
