I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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