Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
