you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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