I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
