Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
