Well apparently he's into motor boating.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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