He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
