Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
