True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
