im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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