Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
