Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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