Joe is yelling at the trees again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
