I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
