I bet he comes in French.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she peed on how many people?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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