I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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