can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
