the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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