its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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