She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
