At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
