I'm drive I can fine osifer
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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