just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want her autograph on my taint
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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