hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
