On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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