He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
