don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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