So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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