I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
