I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
