He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
