is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize