brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
