Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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