there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
