I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize