Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
