so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
