so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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