last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
