I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
