guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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