Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
