I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
