wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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