one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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