It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
