? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
