cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
