If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
