we're blogging at a bar
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
