The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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