remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
